Wednesday, May 16, 2012

It's because this is the moon.

Dear Patrick,

It is time to talk. It's time to talk about what is really happening here. And what's really happening here is everything good hitting at once.

Last month I got one very important and very shocking/exciting/scary/heart-in-my-throat phone call that went like this:
"Hello, Adrienne, it's Karen Kunc from Nebraska..."
And that's about all I can clearly recall. For those of you in a similar world as mine, you will understand the temporary amnesia I experienced. For those of you in any other world, Karen Kunc is the current crowned queen of printmaking.  Luckily for all parties involved, I successfully made it through the phone call without nervously throwing up.  And amidst all the blur, this part was clear: there may be a spot for me (yep, me) in her graduate program. It was far from a set thing but she was working to make it happen.

The days that followed were filled with emotional highs and lows as I put my heart into a hodge-podgey, pieced together application and portfolio while I tried to allow my mind to shift toward accepting the possibilities hanging in the balance.  Is this what I want? Is this where I should be? Am I ready to go? Can I do it? With little information and little certainty, I was hesitant to talk to anyone about it.  I did counsel with the people closest to me, and thank goodness I did. They always know jsut how to get the tiniest bit of sanity into me when I'm the headless chicken running around. My best friend, Matt, asked how it all was going/if I had heard anything one night. I said I still didn't have much information but it did seem like Karen wanted me there, so at least there was that. He said, "Yeah, but do you want you there?" And that was it. That was the idea I had to hold onto. It was just exactly that simple. Did I want me there? Forget the personal pressures, the obvious inadequacies, the decisions beyond my control.  When it all boiled down, I did want me there. And what a relief it was once that decision was made.

Just 5 short longest-days-of-my-existence later, Karen Kunc called again. She said, "Hello, Adrienne, it's Karen Kunc from Nebraska.  I have good news for you.  We have accepted your application and offered you an assistantship..." And the temporary amnesia set in again.

And so it is, the way it goes. The minute you make a decision to move to Seattle and start a business, Karen Kunc will call and offer you the moon. The minute you come to accept your limitations, the minute those limitations are thrown promptly out the window. The minute you truly believe you have things figured out is the minute you put your cat in the car again and tell her she's going to love Nebraska just as much this time as she did last time she visited. And you tell yourself that, too. Because you will. Because I will. Because this is the moon.

 On another note, here is my latest and greatest.

Always yours,
Adrienne

5 comments:

matthew carl nelson said...

Did I really say that? You are so lucky to know me.

Or, is it another Matt that you're best friends with?

Rosemary said...

Margot likes Sandy, Utah better than Nebraska.

Candace said...

I will call you daily to remind you to eat, if you want. With all this craziness, I think you're probably forgetting.
Congrats, my dear.
You are so full of great things.

sarah jane said...

So pretty Adge. I would like to see it in person sometime soon. I know Margot will love Nebraska as much as you will.

evetsandassilem said...

I would have died!!! Karen Kunc is the coolest!! I am so excited (very jealous) of you!! Holy cow you are awesome!