It's because she knows just how to make a birthday.

Dear Patrick,

Sunday was my birthday. It was filled with everything great: french toast for breakfast, developed holga film, a new Anthropologie skirt, a decorated front door (by a neighbor skipping church), Cadbury Mini Eggs, pie, a book called "All My Friends Are Dead", etc. Until yesterday, I thought my birthday was complete. And I was happy with it. And then this little gem entered my life:

This birthday present was from Ashlee. Ashlee is simultaneously my best friend and my arch-nemesis. We shared a room my second year of college because I forced her to. She didn't know me that well and obviously didn't know what she was in for. I was my sweet and polite surface-self for long enough to keep her there but as soon as I found out how easily she scares, that facade disappeared. She was no longer safe in her own house. I hid in her bed. I hid around corners. I hid in the shower. I hid in the closet. I hid under her enlarger in the darkroom. I hid practically anywhere I could squeeze my little body into. And sometimes where I couldn't. Naturally, this created an on-going war between us that has lasted for the four years I've known her. We LOVE each other. And we HATE each other. And I'm certain it will always be that way. One time Ashlee said, "I'm pretty sure that when we're old, my children will just let you in the house so you can hide in a cabinet while I'm gone. And that will be normal to them."

Thank you for the best birthday present of my life, Ashlee. Sorry for the swear, everyone else. She's a menace, what can you do?

Love,
Adrienne